Sunday, 28 November 2010

Merry, my heart goes out to you.


This Christmas, be thankful for the friends you keep. Poor Merry...

It’s nearly December, and so now acceptable (I’m looking at you here overzealous shop window display) to draw attention to the festive season. It’s the Christmas associations that are the most intriguing, and we all make them: Christmas and Christ (Jesus), turkey and road crossings (or the lack of reference to) and, well one thing led to another and I was suddenly thinking about The Lord of the Rings and the hobbit character Merry. I wondered why he out of all the hobbits with pages (or screen time) devoted to them was called Merry. To me it’s obvious that all the other halflings are fools and are extremely infuriating. It seems like Tolkien has never had the credit that his ironic wit perhaps deserves.

So, I have put together a scene that possibly has a more realistic reaction from Merry in relation to his travelling companions and their aggravating nuances. Merry, does not, suffer fools gladly.

Gandalf: (Beard swinging in a furious tirade) Fool of a Took! Throw yourself in next time, and rid us of your stupidity!

Pippin: (Taking on a whimpery foot-dragging shuffle) Gandalf hates me.

Merry: (Casually looks up from his sat position) Of course he does, you’re possibly one of the last people that should ever be in an entourage charged with saving Middle Earth from complete and utter darkness. You’re a bloody annoying clumsy oaf. Damn, I shouldn’t of said oaf, it’s too similar to loaf, and you’re probably now just thinking about lembas bread again. Frodo’s carrying a burden?! I’VE got a fucking burden.

Pippin: (Head bowed in self pity) Frodo, he’s always been Gandalf’s favourite.

Frodo: (Absent-mindedly turns) Who, me?

Merry: Oh don’t you give it that self-effacing, martyr-like: ‘I’m just a normal hobbit really, but only I have the willpower to save Middle Earth’ crap.

Frodo: (Backs away as quietly as possible) I think I’ll just sit over here by myself, I’ve obviously led you down a dark path, your mind is becoming poisoned Merry.

Merry: (Throwing his hands in the air in disbelief) GREAT NAGZUL PREY! Shut. The. Fuck. Up!

Sam: (Swallows nervously and then clears his throat) Hey, don’t talk to master Frodo like that!

Merry: Oh it’s you, the boo-hoo overweight one. Hmmm, and I’m sure it’s a coincidence that you ended up going on a trek with the guy who has enough lembas bread to last for months on end was it?! Or do you only follow him around because he’s the only one who walks slowly enough under the weight of his giant languished ego for you to keep up? Right, fuck you guys, I’m off back to the Shire to have a run at that lass who works at the tavern.

Sam: But she’s, I…

(Merry turns and leaves briskly. Gandalf raises his eyebrows, tilts his head to the side and nods. He follows Merry).